When it comes to long-distance relationships, people be like giving weird reactions because of somewhat the issues they have had a face. But my story was quite different because we had flaws, we fixed them, we understood, and then lastly, we are together.
Over the years, we have grown to know each other and we have learned about each other pain’s and also, each other deep secrets.
A long-distance relationship requires more effort than a conventional relationship where you can meet your partner and express your thoughts and feelings in a dozen different ways, taking them to their favorite restaurant, laughing with each other during a movie and so much more.
But when there is a distance between two people who like each other, communication and having faith are the only two ways to make it work. To make it work, you first must be sure that you’re ready for the effort and commitment it takes. If you go in without giving it a serious thought, you may end up getting confused or demotivated as time passes by.
These are the major boxes both people need to check and need to follow to make your long-distance successful.
A couple should have the financial means and ability to travel
Generally speaking, teenagers, or those who are not financially self-sufficient yet, are asking for a failed long-distance relationship.
If you are financially stable, you must have goals and the ability to travel along with the world. Financial independence is more important nowadays because if you are not earning well. Your life gets disturbed and there must be conflicts with your partner.
A couple should discuss and agree upon how often you are realistically able to visit each other, and if that length of time is okay with both of you.
Don’t get into a long-distance relationship on a whim without talking about this. Someone is going to wind up frustrated and disappointed when they find out too late that visits can’t be scheduled as often as they’d like. Make sure you both are on the same page. Because there is a limit to everything. Sometimes, the wait is too long and you get bored and lost the spark.
A couple should discuss and agree upon the “ground rules” of commitment for the relationship.
We’re human. We have needs and demands. This fact becomes glaringly apparent in a relationship in which you don’t see each other all the time. Some people go weeks, some go months.
Are you going to be strictly monogamous? Are you going to have an open relationship? A “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy? It’ll ultimately be up to both people to lay their groundwork. But both parties need to agree on this.
Honestly, both people need to want each other like crazy.
According to my experience, this desire is what fuels the need to try your hardest to make the relationship work, even through distance because you need to be damn convinced that this person is who you want, despite being so far away. If you’re feeling something wrong about the person, or uneasy about the long-distance relationship itself, it’s going to unravel quickly.
Making it work is tough no doubt but to keep the love alive, here are some tips for you:
- Don’t become possessive and over-communicate
A lot of people think that since they are not together, they should communicate throughout the day to keep the relationship going. Hold on! It’s a bad idea to compensate for the distance. Your partner may not be able to give you 12 hours a day. They need their personal space, they have to work, make friends, and carry-on routine activities. You don’t want to be teasing them and make the matter worse by texting them every single minute. Yes, you should talk but don’t try to stick your nose in everything.
- Consider it an opportunity
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person? Then consider long-distance as an opportunity. Teach yourself how to live apart. Through this experience, your bond will become even stronger. If unfortunately, it becomes weak, then consider it’s not meant to be.
- Manage your expectations by setting some ground rules
It is better to communicate what you expect of each other from the start. Set some rules stating that none of you will do these things. If both of you are clear and you know your commitment level, then moving forward would be easier.
Let’s face it, there will be some misunderstandings that both of you have to talk about. Communication will solve most of the problems. If you are not giving your partner something to long about, they will lose interest in you. Of course, both of you promised to stay committed but you need to write in black and white what you expect from each other to keep that commitment alive.
- Be creative in communication
You must greet each other with a good morning and good night text each day. Make sure you keep them updated on what’s happening in your life. You can send short videos, audio clips, and pictures to each other from time to time. It shouldn’t be an obligation; it should be something you are doing to stay connected to each other. If you show effort, this will make the other person feel loved and attended to.
- Create a sexual tension
If you want to keep the relationship strong, you must create sexual tension. Keep the flame burning by sending sexual texts and sexy puns. If you can see the other the weekend, then go take that trip to keep the sexual desire alive. Otherwise, they will eventually be inclined to have a sexual relationship with another person even if they don’t love them.
- Do things together
Just because you are not in the same room, it doesn’t mean you can’t do things together. You must do some activities together like shopping online, watching a documentary on YouTube, or playing a game online. This could be something both of you would look forward to doing.
- Visit each other
Visits are the highlight of your relationship. Even if you are doing everything else right but you don’t visit them, this could make things worse. You have to keep the spark alive by visiting them. If you can’t do that frequently, then do it from time to time.
- Enjoy your alone time and let them do the same
Remember that you are alone not lonely. So, make sure you spend time with your friends and family. Let your partner do the same. Now that you do get to see them, it is time you fill the void by getting a new hobby or going to the gym. It’s healthy to do things that don’t involve your partner. Don’t be co-dependent on them for your happiness. You must find a way to do things that make you happy without them too. This tip is not just the couples that are in long-distance relationships but for those that live in the same room.
- Stay honest with each other
Whatever fears you have, let them out. Talk to your partner about feelings of insecurity, fear, jealousy, etc. If you try hiding anything, the secret will eat you from the inside. Sometimes, you can’t deal with such feelings on your own. You have to be open and honest. Maybe talking to them will resolve the trouble and offer you the support you need. Don’t keep things and disclose them only when it is too late. You must establish a relationship on honest grounds.
- Respect each other’s schedule
You must share your schedule with your partner. Both of you must. This will help you figure out when they are busy or free and when is the right time to call them or leave a message. You would never want to interrupt them when they are in the middle of something. If you have decided you will talk at 9 pm, then it must be 9 pm. This is especially important if both of you are living in different time zones. Learn to respect each other’s schedules as much as you can.
- Send them gifts
A present from you can make their day. Before they leave, it is recommended to get an object (present) that they can hold on to. It will remind them of you whenever they will see it. Then, the next thing is to send them gifts time after time. If you can’t be there, then why not buy them something nice to let them know you care about them and you love them.
Sending flowers on birthdays, valentine’s days, and anniversaries are a must. Don’t forget to send a postcard and handwritten letters.
- Use technology to stay connected
Relationship experts say that long-distance relationships are easier now than they were before because we have the technology to stay connected with our loved ones. Texts, FaceTime, and video chats are really helpful in keeping in touch. You must use technology and share all important details of your life with your partner. Don’t talk about general stuff like I went on a dinner today and it was fun. Instead, give them details. Talk about what you ate, what you talked about, and how that made you feel. It will help in making their day come alive.
That does not mean your conversations must always be about what you do, how you spent the day etc. there should be other meaningful stuff to share. Let’s suppose if nothing great happened in a day, that’s ok, let them know it was a crappy day but keep on engaging with them. You must hear about their day too.
- Develop a ritual
It would be great to have things that the two of you can share even when you are apart. This will make you feel closer to the other person. For instance, both of you can go out and look at the moon together and talk. Be as much creative as you can in setting up these little rituals. It will make your bond and love stronger. It will be these memories that you would like to hold on to forever.
- Be committed to the relationship
This tip is especially meant for those who are in a long-distance relationship and college. Before wasting someone’s time, you must make sure you are truly committed to them. It is hard to remain single in college. Who knows if you find someone else you fall for, You must be sure if long distance is what you want. You must have a plan for what happens next and how both of you are going to work towards the goal of staying together.
Since you are not sure about your future, you can hardly plan a future with someone else. Only peruse a long-distance relationship if you are sure, you can be committed. Sometimes, person A is committed and person B isn’t. It’s best if both of you are on the same page otherwise, it is not worth wasting emotions and each other’s time.
- Be confident and be positive
You need to inject positive energy into your relationship. Even if you feel lonely and you can’t bear waiting, you must stay calm. A great tip to stay positive is to be grateful that you have someone you love.
You must stay confident in the relationship. Insecurities can lead one partner to check into the other too often. Excessive calls and text messages can create unnecessary tension. Do not let communication be hijacked by insecurity. You must trust your partner and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for the best. Pick up a hobby to stay out of paranoia.
- Do not panic if everything isn’t perfect
Sometimes, things don’t go according to plan so don’t panic if it’s not perfect or if you have to struggle to make it work. These initial growing pains are normal. Remember that all this pain will go away eventually and you will be together one day. Keep the bigger goal in mind whenever you feel like giving up.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Each relationship requires nurturing and since you are miles and miles away from each other, you will have to put extra effort into making things work. As long as you are committed and love each other, you will make it work.
Long-distance relationships are difficult but not impossible. A simple proof of that is to go back to the time when the internet didn’t exist or telephone services were a privilege. People survived on letters, memoirs, and memories alone for months and years. If they could make it work and have the happy endings they hoped for then so can you.
What I think is a long-distance relationship could work but only if both of you do your share to make it work. It is not going to be easy and you will get sad and lonely at times but you must not give up. Being far away from the one you love to make small wishes such as holding their hand, eating together at the same table, talking, walking together, smelling their hair, etc. so much meaningful.
You know what I miss him a lot. You will crave for human touch, you will sometimes forget the way he smells, and you will wonder when will science and technology ever find a solution to longing. But then, you will watch him get off the train, and walk towards you with eyes beaming with happiness and disbelief, just like the first time you had met. And you will lose all the memory of pain, again.
